I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a priest lately.

On a personal level, finishing my contract as Food Lead with Andover Parish has given me more space and time to focus on how I live out my own priestly calling predominantly (but not exclusively) as a Spiritual Director to other ordained ministers. On a more public level, and indeed an international stage, there are questions about what a priest should or shouldn’t do.

Let’s talk about The Traitors to begin with. For the uninitiated The Traitors is a game show, now in its third season, where players compete for a lifechanging amount of money. Set in a Scottish Castle and hosted by Claudia Winkelman the show is rather gothic and spooky, and one might wonder if it is something a Christian would want to go anywhere near, add to that not all players are ‘faithful’.

A few players are secretly selected to be ‘Traitors’ and throughout the show the ‘Faithful’ have to work out who they are. By day the Traitors and Faithful work together to raise the prize pot in a series of games and challenges, by night they commit ‘murder’ whittling down their competitors. At the end of each day everyone comes together round the table to banish the person most likely to be a Traitor. It is all very cloak and daggers. There are twists and turns at every point, this year a ‘nail technician’ who is actually a soldier, sisters who hide their relationship from everyone, and an undercover Anglican priest.

Lisa an ordained priest with the Church of England applied to take part due to her love of puzzles, games, and murder mysteries:

What self-respecting murder mystery doesn’t have a priest?

It is said that all that is needed to spread the gospel is to profess yourself a Christian and not act like an arse! Lisa conducted herself with dignity, compassion, and kindness (whilst also playing the game). Interestingly she chose not to wear her dog collar to enter the castle, as she explained, to have done so would have placed a target on her back; and it is true, once people know you are a priest they treat you differently.

Lisa didn’t keep her true identity a secret throughout, questions around the terminology she used to protest her faithfulness (‘As God is my witness’) led her to reveal all. Despite this original subterfuge Lisa has done well. She has shown a warmth and humanity to faith. In her approachability the church she serves has also been shown in a positive light as one which is welcoming to all.

Also in the media is Bishop Mariann Budde who had the dubious pleasure of conducting the service of worship at President Trump’s inauguration, including giving the address. I am not the only person to be fearful of the power given to a man who believes that he is God’s chosen leader and yet shows no mercy, no humility, or any signs at all of having actually read the Gospels of Jesus. His words and his actions show him to be a bigot of the worst kind, racist, misogynist, homophobic… He is a dangerous man, aggressive, narcissistic, and yet Bishop Mariann publicly stood up to him, calling on him to show mercy.

Let me make one final plea, Mr. President. Millions have put their trust in you. As you told the nation yesterday, you have felt the providential hand of a loving God. In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now. There are transgender children in both Republican and Democratic families who fear for their lives. . . Have mercy, Mr. President, on those in our communities whose children fear that their parents will be taken away. Help those who are fleeing war zones and persecution in their own lands to find compassion and welcome here. Our God teaches us that we are to be merciful to the stranger, for we were once strangers in this land.  

For speaking such words, for calling upon Trump in the name of the ‘providential God’ whose hand the President claimed was upon him, Bishop Mariann has received death threats. Trump himself described the service as

Not too exciting, was it. I didn’t think it was a good service, no.

later describing her tone as ‘nasty’ and demanding an apology.

Bishop Mariann has become a hero for speaking truth to power. A prophet not shying away from her vocation or dumbing down her words in the face of arrogance and power, even knowing that other Christians would vociferously disagree with her. This priest has taken her preaching of the gospel one huge step further than behaving as a decent human being, she has courageously spoken the gospel as Jesus did, Jesus who knew what it would cost him, Jesus who ended up on the cross. This priest has shown the rest of us what it is to be a Godly leader, what it is to pick up her cross and follow Jesus.

Mariann, has done exceedingly well.

And yet, even in the wake of the Archbishop of Canterbury’s resignation due to historic safeguarding revelations of an horrific nature, this week we are rocked again as the Bishop of Liverpool faces accusations of sexual misconduct, including against a fellow Bishop. Although John Perumbalath ‘consistently denies the accusations’ once again it feels as if the Church of England has lost its way, and I am disappointed. Bishop Bev Mason, had withdrawn to enable due process to take place, only coming forward with her own story once someone else had made theirs public. As I mourn and lament for the church I was ordained into, Bishop Bev has spoken words of hope.

Goodness and truth will always prevail… and light shines into darkness for which we must not be afraid.

As I consider what it means to be a priest, how I might continue to serve God through the Church of England, I can’t help but consider how it is still enabling a Christian society to be exclusive and even abusive towards those who are considered ‘other’. The Church of England despite ordaining women as bishops continues to enable parishes and individuals to opt out of their episcopal oversight, recognising the terminology of ‘taint’. There are still places of worship where to be anything other than heterosexual is sinful and people are discouraged from living their authentic God-given identity. How can I continue to serve God amongst this? How can I, as a woman, as a mother of LGBTQ+ children, continue as a priest?

And yet, I know this is what God has called me to. Even in the mess, even in the lamentable shame, here I am, continuing to lead worship, continuing to don the dog collar, continuing to preach and pray, to ‘hatch match and dispatch’ because I have promised to serve God to the best of my abilities, to be faithful to Jesus, to use my gifts to show God’s abundant love to all. It isn’t easy to stay, even on the edges as I am without my own ‘portfolio’, without my own specific parish or flock to tend. I think back to Sunday, to the worshipping community I belong to, to the friendly welcome, the gifted teaching, the buzz of friendships old and new, a place of growth through worship with heart and integrity, and I realise that I am here to bring light, to bring hope, to remain merciful and faithful, and above all, to love.