Confession time: I struggle with crucifixes as jewellry.

The cross was a torturous, barbaric, from of execution, so to hang one round my neck, especially with a suffering, dying man depicted upon it seemed… tasteless to say the least. I wouldn’t wear a guillotine, or hangman’s noose, or even electric chair, and I certainly wouldn’t decorate them with gemstones.

And then, when I was looking for an outfit for my firstborn’s thanksgiving ceremony I found a piece of costume jewellery in the shape of a cross, and covered in bling which not only accessorised my outfit perfectly, but spoke to me at a deeper level than I ever thought a piece of cheap jewellery could do (and this coming from the woman whose engagement ring came from the joke shop!).

I found beauty in that cross because I also found healing in the resurrection life it represented. Our first child, you see, had never been born. Lost to miscarriage (and I use that word ‘lost’ carefully – one moment it was there, a tiny speck in my womb, the next it was gone…), we mourned that child, we felt the despair of taking months to conceive again, and now here we were bringing our beautiful baby to church to be blessed.

We had found a sense of resurrection through the death of our first child who we will only meet in heaven, and the life of our second, now held safely in our arms.

Our first child died 6 weeks before I was ordained, our second announced its existence via the two blue lines on the pregnancy test, on the due date of our first. I was 8 months pregnant, when I was ordained priest huge and blooming in my cassock.

We have been through, and continue to endure, so much desolation at this point in history. As we approach Holy Week, it seems appropriate to spend some time at the cross seeking its beauty, and its hope. The Beauty of the Cross Petite Retreat gives us the space and time to do so. I have always been amazed at how engaging creatively with my hands can open up seems of thought and prayer that lay deep within me.

When leading this day as a bespoke retreat for a group of churches recently, I was amazed at the depth of the stories that were shared as we blessed our crosses at the end of the day. The act of doing became an act of meditation and prayer, even though we may not have realised it at the time, ‘I just got carried away’ one guest declared; she had also declared that she wasn’t at all creative, and yet her cross simply glowed with hope.

If you would like to join me for some time of creative exploration, finding hope in the brokenness of the cross, there are still some spaces available this week:

• Beauty of the Cross (online) Monday 4th April 7pm (BST) £15 per person. Book here.
• Beauty of the Cross at Lopcombe Quiet Garden, Thursday 7th April 10am £40 per person to include lunch and cross making materials). Book here.
• Beauty of the Cross (online) Friday 8th April 10am (BST) £15 per person. Book here.