It is Good Friday and I have been invited to lead the Devotional Hour at the Cross at St Matthew’s Church, Winchester. It is traditional for the hours between 12 and 3pm to be observed with prayer and fasting, these are the deepest, darkest, most holy hours of Christian Worship and observation.

The cock crows, and at that point everything changes. Night becomes day, Thursday leads to Friday, Maundy changes to Good, and Jesus’ arrest becomes his crucifixion. Peter will look back on this day as the one in which he truly knew himself.

The cock crows, and Peter can no longer pretend that he is the brave one, the disciple who really ‘gets’ who Jesus is and will give up everything to follow him, to be true to him, because the truth has been made known: he is no better than any of the other disciples, including Judas. The cock crows, but Peter doesn’t hear the raucous welcome of a new day, rather the echo of words that had foretold Peter would deny even knowing the one he had once identified as Messiah.

But Peter, along with John, had not run away, he hadn’t fled when Jesus was arrested. Peter had followed as closely as was possible. Peter was here in the courtyard, trying to keep warm with other servants, trying to listen in to what was happening to Jesus, hoping and praying and dreading. He was brave, not as brave as John, though who had spoken to the maid at the door and gained them entrance. The maid who had asked if he was one of Jesus’ disciples: he should have said ‘yes’, why didn’t he say ‘yes’? John had not been ashamed, but then John had known people, John was safe. Peter had said ‘no’.

From this new vantage point Peter not only hears Jesus, but sees him too. The High Priest questions his rabbi, and not liking the answer, an Officer standing near by strikes Jesus. A powerful slap from a strong soldier, which can be heard reverberating around the court, a red mark branded upon Jesus’ face. As the act of violence hangs in the air, Peter is asked once again if he is one of Jesus’ disciples. What Peter hears though, is ‘are you willing to stand in Jesus’ shoes?’ and at this point in time the answer is clearly no. Peter isn’t quite the man he thought he was, Peter does not want to be interrogated as Jesus is, he does not want to receive the blows that Jesus has.

Are you not also one of his disciples?

I am not.

John 18:25

Jesus is bound, and sent to Caiaphas, the High Priest; this interrogation has only been the warm up act. There is more to come, more accusations, more physical punishments, more abuse; the adrenaline is running high, Peter’s heart is pumping so quickly that he can feel it in his mouth, struggling to breathe, for fear, for Jesus he thinks, but truthfully the fear is all his own. He has given up everything already to follow Jesus. He hasn’t seen his wife, his children, for months. Must he also lose his life? As Jesus is dragged away, Peter follows with his eyes, but his feet are rooted to the spot, and when a relation of the man who Peter had attacked with a sword speaks to him, he continues with the denial: is he one of the disciples? He is not.

How easy it had been to wield that sword in the first dramatic moments of Jesus’ arrest. He was Jesus’ right hand man, the disciple who would never desert him, he would stand for him, fight for him; but all he had done was slice a servant’s ear from his head. He hadn’t even confronted the soldier. Peter now has to confront his own cowardice, the cowardice Jesus had predicted.

The cock has crowed, signalling the completion of Jesus’ betrayal by his most ‘loyal’ disciple. The cock crows and Peter crumples under the weight of his own failing. Jesus is led away to face certain death, and Peter has denied him, not once, not twice, but three times.

You can read the full story of Jesus arrest and execution here.